I recently had lunch with reality. The kind that can come from a 22 year old ingénue with the pointed tact of an emotionless porcupine.”That’s just totally gross!” was her reaction when she heard about the age difference between an older woman and her much younger husband. The part that she had missed was the woman being discussed was me!
Unfortunately, this wasn’t my first time hearing this crap.
When I met Boky, he was a very young looking 26 year old, who was annoyingly optimistic, mature beyond his years, and very enthusiastic about his future in the technology world. More importantly, the guy was just so into me that he wore away my reservations by wooing me with amazing sex, epic Scrabble games, yummy home cooked food, and little origami animals that he slaved over.
I was a 40 year old divorcee with — dare I say, a bit of a history? A wild woman; enraptured by wanderlust but tethered by the anchor of a daughter and the need for stability. It took time to wrap my head around our age difference, and it took even longer for friends. We are an odd pair, but so is everyone else in humanity who is in a relationship. This shit takes effort and being with anyone can make the sane– well, crazy.
Our days together are spent leaping over parenting hurdles,making plans for our futures,and pursuing our individual artistic endeavors. Whenever there is any free time, we go to a concert or grab a bottle of wine in a restaurant and flirt with each other like mad—pretending that we do not have children that suck-the-lust-right-out-of-your-loins. Strangers have never questioned our age difference because Boky comes off as older than me, with the exception being if I’ve had a sleepless mommy night–then I look beyond haggard, but so do younger moms.
Judging someone about life choices has never been on my radar if it doesn’t affect me or anyone else.
What is it about an older woman being with a younger man that causes some to have such a visceral reaction?
Are they worried that he will leave me for a woman that is younger?
Divorce can happen to men and women in “age appropriate”marriages, and it is quite common. People fall out of love and go out looking for the next best thing. When I was single, there were many married men out there on the prowl.
Worried that he will not want to take care of me in my old age and that he’ll leave me?
Doubtful! We are both very healthy, but he is the one with high cholesterol, and the guy is super accident prone. He’s almost died on a bike three times and broke his leg falling out of bed. (Don’t ask) Anyway, the reality is that I’ll probably be the one taking care of him.
Think that he will wake up one day wanting to escape my Cougar claws?
Guess what? He pursued me and I was the one that just wanted a booty call! I never thought that I would marry a younger man. If anyone was the predator in our relationship, it was him– Boky “The Tiger” Wong.
We’ve now been together for almost seven years.We’ve worked through some significant issues (mainly mine) and our relationship has become, for the most part, the easiest part about my life.
Yes, it’s annoying that he doesn’t get pop culture references from when I was a teen.
The guy has never watched “The Breakfast Club” or “Fast Times At Ridgemont High.” He’s never listened to the Sex Pistols, Beastie Boys, or Run DMC! ( I did consider leaving him after he recently asked me who Guns N Roses were)
Yes, the unknown is scary!
That’s what living is about! If you’re not scared, you’re a walking dead person. All love is risky. How about spending the rest of my life with someone that I couldn’t stand being around? Ever heard a couple that nag each other to death? That’s scary!
Want to know what I find more terrifying than being with a younger man?
Stupid, vapid people. I’m glad I sat next to that nit-wit at lunch.It is a good reminder that I am raising my three ladies to be empathetic, strong, unique, and timeless.
Just like the love I have for my husband.
Share this and win….literally nothing but my love! You win my love! Ok,ok…I’ll cast a spell that will bring you good luck. So, you get my love and good luck!
