Words Are Spells

I grew up worshipping my grandmother. She was a gentle spirit who saw the truth and beauty in life, but also packed a wallop with a gloved fist in her writing. Grandma wrote poetry about the things that she treasured most; family, God, nature, and humanity. One of the many lessons that she imparted to me were that words are powerful– they cast spells. (that’s why they call it spelling?) When we use words, they shouldn’t be hurtful or divisive. Everything we say has a consequence of how our subjects are perceived. Think of them as magical incantations.

As a (semi-grown) woman, I do try to partake in as little gossip as possible. Sure, I’ve engaged in several bitching sessions about how some toxic parasite has hurt me or someone I care about. After all, sometimes people just need a touchstone to understand that their feelings are valid– I never engage in salacious gossip. That is something that leaves a dirty residue, is not helpful, and makes one feel empty.

Recently, I had lunch with a friend ; a person that I admire for her candor and good humor. After having an enjoyable feast of Thai food and laughter, she leaned in close and said “I need to bring something to your attention.” The first thing that popped out of my mouth was to say  “Is it kind, necessary, educational, or dull?”  This made my friend sit in deep thought for a moment. “I think it is necessary that you know what Mrs So-So said about you.” I hadn’t expected that, but knew that the sting of whatever was going to be said would not be helpful, and could only be hurtful. Not willing to part with my good mood I said  ” Well, she is entitled to whatever opinion she wants to have of others, just as I am.”  My friend looked disappointed but quickly moved on to another subject, and we enjoyed the rest of our afternoon.

That night, I lay restless in bed over the conversation about Mrs So-So. I hadn’t heard what was said about me, but the power of the spell had already been activated. I was left riddled with curiousity, and now dreaded what could have been so important that it had to be brought up during a happy lunch. My hamster wheel would not stop and the next morning, I called her. ” I’m sorry to bother you at such a early hour (7am), but could you tell me what Mrs So-So said? I may have to know; in case it involves my children or husband.” I could imagine my friend cringing through the phone. She had been released by me the other day from saying anything ugly, and was now being called on, at a ungodly hour, and probably without caffeine.  “You were right in saying that it didn’t matter, Audie. It’s not about your family, anyway,” I could hear the tiny bit of annoyance in her voice. I continued “You’re right, I did say that, but…,” She interrupted. “But you will now have to drop it. I don’t want to be in the middle,” her voice now a hiss.(In the middle? Is she kidding me?) I went on,(as only a good bitch can do)  “You are in the middle– since you were the one to bring it up over ordering dessert.”  I was now going to be ruthlessly persistent until I could get the information I needed. As it turned out, what was said about me was entirely untrue, but not surprising as it came from someone whom is a great deflector, and a bit unsure of herself.

(A witch of sorts, perhaps?)

Thanking my friend for spilling the can of shit (that she had opened), I immediately wished I hadn’t known what was said. I am human, after all, and hate being misunderstood. Knowing the words didn’t benefit me at all. When someone calls you out on your shit; it can be helpful and a time for reflection. This is what true words are for. Just hearing something that is untrue leaves you with a empty feeling– almost like watching a crappy movie from start to finish. You hope that it gets better, so you stay, but leave angry that you wasted your precious time.

As for my friend that told me about the gossip in the first place?   I was left with a tiny shard of distrust for her. Why did this person feel comfortable talking to her about me, and why bring it up in the first place if you thought the woman was full of shit? Words are powerful, after all. They can build empires, bridges, trust, love, and any kind of positive perception. They can also destroy, tear down, divide, breed hatred, and cause misperceptions.

A reminder to watch for the spells I cast in the future.

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